I Didn't Get to Murder Any Ducks

First and foremost, since boarding season is pretty much over now, (even though I hope to get a few more spring runs in) I’ve switched back to my normal Shotgun Shel layout. Time to get back to my Redneck ways for the Spring and Summer. Yee haw!

Ugh, it’s only Tuesday? WTF? Why can’t it be Thursday already? I’m excited for Thursday night at Bar Eighty Four. Teairra Mari will be singing 3 songs on stage for the Official After Party for the Lil Wayne concert. I’m hoping it will be mad crazy in there. I’ve got kind of a crazy week and I’m looking forward to that being almost the end of it. I’m hoping it gets INSANE in there and I can let loose a little bit. Not like I don’t do that every weekend anyway. A ha ha…

So, I hafta go get my nails done tonight and then I wanna do a little shopping in the hopes of finding something to wear out Thursday night. Roommate has a Blazer game tonight so I will have to wrangle the beasts myself tonight. Maybe get a little Mario Kart in while I’m at it.

Friday I have a weird day. I took 3 hours off of work, I wanted to take the whole day off but failed to remember that I have to do an open house through the State of Oregon for one of our buildings. It’s required by the State since it is registered as a Historic Building and I scheduled it weeks ago so I don’t really have a choice. So, since I have to be there from 10 AM till 2 PM, I will be able to sleep in after partying my little butt off, sit there for 4 hours being bored and then get to go home at 2 PM. So, hopefully it should be nice and quiet on Friday cause I have a feeling I’m going to be a little hung. I guess we’ll see about that. I haven’t been out on a Thursday and been hung over on a Friday in a LONG time. I REALLY don’t want to do that, it SUCKS being at work when you’re hung. But since I don’t really have to do anything except sit there and greet people, I hope it will be OK. Hee hee.

I’m thinking Friday I should go to the Gun Room and give Bette (yes, I named my shotgun after my Grammy and for future reference my truck is Mater) a GOOD cleaning and go blow some shit up. As I’ve mentioned MANY times before during boarding season I have NO SOCIAL LIFE because I go to bed early, get up early and are at the mountain all day. It sucks too, cause I didn’t do any duck hunting this season. It’s really hard to balance boarding and duck hunting because both activities are an ALL DAY event. I get up early to go out to the blinds and stay all day and hunt, or I get up early to go boarding and stay all day and ride. So, I’m kind of having shooting withdrawals since I didn’t really get to murder any ducks. RARGH!

So, I’ve already pushed out a bunch of paperwork today and there is TONS more where that came from. Ugh, work…that dirty 4 letter word. I am SO tired today. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I slept funny or something because one of my ribs on my back left side is hurting today. I took some Advil and that has helped the pain a little, I’ve gotta quit popping my ribs out. It HURTS. Fuck.

Insight of the Day:
“Families aren’t biological.”

Blonde...Brunette...Redhead

Well, this weekend just FLEW by. Holy shit balls. So, Friday I was TOTALLY lame. Took some of the leftover pizza home from the office party and played some Mario Kart with Roommate. At 6:51 PM on Friday night I told Roommate I was going to bed. He was like “Are you kidding me? It’s still light out, what time is it?” I told him it was 10 till 7, I was tired. So, I went to bed and 7 PM on Friday night and then ended up sleeping till about 930 or so. I showered, and did my hair and makeup at my own SLOW Saturday pace and then I took a nap from about 130 PM till 4 PM. Don’t ask me how I sleep that much, I just do. I LOVE to sleep, what can I say?!

So, I packed up Stinky and we headed to TB’s around 6 or so. I only halfway got ready since I always go over to her house and ravage her closet anyway. So, I packed up a few things, threw on a hoodie and jeans and headed on over. I love my TB, but that girl takes HOURS to get ready. If I’m going out, I don’t need more than an hour or so, depending on how long it takes me to decide what to wear. TB on the other hand, already knew what she was wearing, it just takes her that long to do her hair and makeup and everything else. It’s NUTS. But, I don’t care, I love her. So while TB was getting ready and I was running around in jeans in a bra just killing time my Tasty Shortcake decided she was having problems figuring out what to wear so she came over to TB’s and we dressed her up too! Yay, it was SO fun! I feel complete again now that I have my Triple Trouble Trio back! Blonde, Brunette, Redhead…pick your flavor!!! And let me tell you, it’s like the fucking Charlie’s Angels when we go out…it’s awesome! We have SO.MUCH.FUN together!

So, we had some Vodka and Rockstar before we left the house, we always hafta front load a little bit before we get out and about. We met up with some people at Henry’s in the Pearl and I was pretty much already drunk when we got there, it was great. I had kind of been on a mission to get schnockered this weekend and I succeeded. Although, I didn’t get as drunk as I thought I would. The weird thing is I drank Vodka all night. Usually I drink lots of beer and have shots here and there, this time I totally just drank Vodka all night. I don’t even remember getting a drink; I think I just sipped off of everyone else’s! Ha ha.

So, we danced our butt’s off, bar hopped a little and I got a little tipsy, hee hee. I suppose you could say Mission Accomplished for the weekend for me! I ended up sleeping away most of the day yesterday also. Even Spike was tired, he wouldn’t get up off the couch, just slept most of the day. This morning he wouldn’t get out of bed at all. There were 4 dogs total at TB’s house this weekend so he totally got his exercise, so I’m happy that Stinky had a good weekend too! I love my baby bubs!

I can’t wait to do it all over again next weekend!

Insight of the Day:
“Where there is love, there is life.”

I Haven't Been Drunky Drunkerton In A While

Yay, Friday! Today at work should be fun. I just ordered $115 worth of pizza and we’re going to have pizza and watch a movie at lunch time. I brought a few movies and so did a co-worker. It should be a fairly easy day today. Traffic this AM was SUPER light as its Spring Break week here. The Partners at my office go on a retreat for spring break every year and we do what we call a “Senior Sneak” for the office staff. Normally we would all leave about noon, have lunch together and then get movie tickets but due to the shitty economy right now we have downsized our Senior Sneak to pizza and a movie in the conference room. So, I’m excited because today should go by fairly quickly. It’s super quiet in here today, as lots of people are on vacation.

Roommate and I decided to skip boarding tomorrow for a few reasons. One, it’s going to snow all day with peak wind gusts of 41 MPH. That’s like blizzard conditions; I’m straight with all of that ish! B, we have neglected the back yard lately. The Dogbertici need to have a clean toilet, plus the grass needs mowed. And 3, we both want to sleep in. I don’t get to sleep in much during boarding season cause we get up early to hit the mountain before everyone else gets up there. So, I’m excited to get to sleep in tomorrow. Yay!

I may just chill tonight and go to bed early and get a good night’s sleep cause I wanna get schnockered tomorrow night! I haven’t been Drunky Drunkerton in a while and I’m about due. I will probably end up staying at TB’s Saturday night. That seems to be a weekend tradition now. I’ll see if she’ll be my DD for Saturday night so I can get fit shaced. Yeah, baby! I’m a little scared…I NEVER plan to get drunk, but when I do…I usually end up getting BEYOND drunk. I’m sure I’ll be horfing up a storm on Sunday morning if I actually succeed in getting myself as inebriated as I’m hoping! Ugh, I don’t even want to think about the repercussions yet…blah.

So, here’s to hoping today FLIES by! I hope you all have an excellent weekend.

Insight of the Day:
“Heroes are people who do what has to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.”

XOXO
Shel

Reality

Reality

I’m lost in the fog,
Those were your lies,
I keep falling in,
To your hypnotizing eyes.

You say all the right things,
But never follow through,
I still can’t believe,
I put my trust in you.

Third times the charm,
Have I taken enough?
To finally realize,
It’s always going to be a bluff?

I was blinded by your appeal,
And the way you confide,
Even though you always,
End up casting me aside.

When will I learn,
Will I ever see the light?
Or continue to battle,
In this never ending fight?

You and I together,
Is just a fantasy,
I now know it will never,
Become my reality.

So, why do I let you,
Continue to haunt my dreams?
When I wake up every night,
Crying through my screams?

I have to let you go now,
I have to walk away,
I have to cast away my hopes,
And let the skies turn gray.

The clouds will roll in,
The rain will pour down,
I will let it fill my heart up,
Your memory I will drown.

I will walk through the storm,
And let it wash away my pain,
With my head held high,
I will push away the shame.

I can’t keep walking blindly,
The rain has opened my eyes,
I can’t continue to let you,
Be my heart’s demise.

With every step I take,
And every tear I cry,
I’m letting you go a little more,
Until I can say goodbye.

I have to let your memory fade,
I have to get you out of my head,
I can’t change the way you feel,
No more tears will be shed.

I will always care for you,
But will never understand,
Why I wasn’t enough,
To walk beside and hold my hand.

M. Harrold
26 March 09

I Am Even More Confused Now If That Is Possible

OMG, OMG, OMG, can I throw up now? Jesus Mars Christ, work is MAD CRAZY today. I’ve been running around the office in circles since I got here but the weird thing is that I’m working on things that I don’t normally deal with, it’s not something that is an everyday function and I can just take care of out of habit. These tasks require more of my time, meticulous attention to detail, and some reading of legal terms in leases and speaking with certain government entities. I’m telling you I just spent about 30 minutes on an issue and instead of having better clarity of the situation; I am even more confused now if that is possible. Ugh. WTF?!

So I want to throw up because I am totally stressing myself out. I feel nauseous. I am a total worry wart, I always have been. I tend to worry about things that I shouldn’t, things that are out of my control, things that no matter what I do, I can’t change the outcome of them no matter how hard I try. I gave this piece of advice to a friend yesterday, yet for the life of me can’t seem to get it to sink into my OWN head. “Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.” Which brings me to another good quote, “It’s easier to be wise for others than for ourselves.” It’s SO true! I mean, fuck…I can’t even listen to my own advice, and I know I should. My problem is that I tend to dwell on the things that bother or upset me. I’m not ready to talk about what is troubling me on this blog yet as it’s too soon to go off on a rant and get my panties in a bundle over something that may not even come to fruition But, since I’m stressing about it I figure it will help me to write about it. Sorry for being so cryptic, but when and if the time comes, you will all be able to read about it. Until then, I need to just LET IT GO. RARGH!

So, I picked up the Bar Eighty Four Business cards at the printer last night on my way home and I am absolutely thrilled with how they turned out. I am going to Bar Eighty Four after work to drop them off and meet a friend for a birthday drink and then I will start designing the flyers. Yay, more designing! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE using my creative side, and the fact that I am able to do this for a one of my best friends just makes it that much more fulfilling.

This week has been hard on me so far, though I’m not quite sure why. I have had to FORCE myself out of bed the past few mornings. My alarm goes off at 5 AM and I am usually out of bed no later than 515 but yesterday and today I got up at 550 and was in a mad rush to get ready and out the door by 630, as usual. It did help that I lay in bed last night and decided what to wear this morning, saves me about 5 minutes of standing in front of my closet, scratching my head going “WTF am I going to wear to work today?” I SO miss the days of being on jobsites and in the equipment yard and being able to wear jeans to work. THOSE were the days. No ironing in the morning or high heels and downtown power walking! Since I have to get all pretty and professional for work, I never seem to want to do it outside of work. I’d rather come home and change into jeans, a tee or tank and cowboy boots or romeo’s. TB has been a good influence on me lately though. She is ALWAYS super cute, feminine and put together so when I’ve been going out with her lately I’ve been putting a little extra effort into what I wear when I’m out with her. Although, she loves me no matter what I wear and tells me I still look cute when we go out and I’m in a hoodie and jeans and she’s all dolled up! I LOVE MY TB! Sometimes, I just DON’T care what I look like. It is my belief that people should love me for who I am, not what I look like or how much I weigh. I am the same person whether I weigh 200 pounds and have black hair or weigh 130 pounds and have blonde hair. That is one of my biggest pet peeves in this world. People are SO concerned about physical appearance when what is really important is inner beauty. I have always believed that inner beauty shines over physical appearance. I don’t judge someone when first meeting based on their physical appearance, I never have and I never will.

Alright, I think I’ve rambled enough for today, I feel better, even though I didn’t really talk about what is bothering me. But since I touched on the subject it did give me the emotional release I was looking for. Yay!

Insight of the Day:
“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.”

Yes, I Do It For Entertainment Value

Ugh, this weather makes me kinda lazy, gloomy and not very productive, in general. Yesterday at work was crazy, and I haven’t even been here an hour yet and the craziness has already started, go figure. RARGH. Its nice being able to shut myself in my office and close out the distractions…otherwise, I’d probably never get this written.

There are going to be two things going on here today…the first is that I am going to post some of my photography. I’m an amateur photographer and I really love to do sunrises and sunsets and landscapes. So, for future reference any pictures I post of scenery/landscapes on here is most likely something I’ve taken myself. I hope you all enjoy my photography as much as I do. I even have some of my pictures printed out and framed on my office wall. In fact, the pictures that I post today are the ones on my office wall.

I am also going to post a poem that I wrote last summer. This poem is very close to my heart. I wrote it during a very difficult and trying time of my life. A time where my vision was clouded by negative thoughts and heart ache, and my raw emotion just flowed out onto the page without any hesitation. I don’t even have to think about it, it just happens. It’s a release for me, therapeutic, it always has been. That is a big part of the reason I started writing a blog again, for me…for my own personal gain and emotional growth. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE having my friends and family read about my life, but for the most part since my writing is such a personal, important part of my life this blog means more to me than I think a lot of people realize. Yes, I do it for entertainment value also, but that’s just a bonus out of the equation. The fact that my friends enjoy reading my writing whether it’s just me blabbing on here or it’s actually a poem or piece I’m writing that means something to me…that is truly a blessing for me.

Insight of the Day:
“You shouldn't go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.”

So, here’s my favorite poem I’ve ever written. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I STILL do.

Loves, Shel

The Path

She has been walking this path,
For some time now alone,
And with every step she takes,
She realizes she has grown.

Into what she doesn’t know,
She can only hope to see,
That this lonely path,
May someday turn into ecstasy.

Life is what you make it,
And every day is a gift,
She only hopes to walk straight,
And not start to drift.

She knows what she wants,
And sees everyday,
That life isn’t always so easy,
To her own dismay.

She continues down the path,
With her head held high,
Trying to stay positive,
Without a tear to cry.

Life is a roller coaster,
An ever winding path,
Yet she can’t seem to get away,
From the sadness and the wrath.

She pretends to be alright,
She hides her fears,
But things aren’t always,
As they seem to appear.

She knows that she is loved,
Her friends and family all care,
Yet this burden she carries,
She can hardly bear.

She just wants to go back,
To the days of smiles,
Yet she knows that ahead,
Are only more trials.

That’s what life is about,
It’s only a short ride,
And she wants to make sure,
She does nothing but try.

Try to be a better friend,
A better person in this life,
Yet she feels all she gets in return,
Is nothing but strife.

Trying to make life easier,
For everyone around,
Yet she feels as though,
She still might drown.

She pushes away the pain,
She hides what’s inside,
Even though she feels,
As if she’s already died.

Why can’t it be easy,
Why is everything so hard?
It leaves her weak and vulnerable,
And her heart has been scarred.

Yet she embraces the pain,
She learns from it all,
She refuses to give up,
She picks herself up when she falls.

It’s all she can do,
To keep taking it day by day,
To look up to the heavens,
And silently pray.

Pray for happiness,
Pray for love,
And hope that someone is listening,
From the heavens above.

The path sometimes dips down,
Before climbing back to the top,
She prays for the strength,
To climb without having to stop.

It’s worth the effort,
This long and arduous trail,
She just hopes she can make it,
At the top she will prevail.

24 July 08

Go, Go, Go...All Weekend Long

Happy Birthday, Sister! Now, to avoid any confusion, it’s my real sister’s birthday. I know I call TB and The Princess my sisters, but this sister is actually blood related. Anyway, it’s her 31st birthday today. Ugh, which means I’m going to be 29 in 3 months. HOLY SHIT BALLS!

So, weekend was good. I dropped the business cards off at the printers and all went off without a hitch. I got home and pretty much changed and then flopped onto the cough w/ the dogs. I fell asleep totally early, at like 7 PM and woke up around 1030 and put myself to bed. Then I got up early to go carve some lines w/ Roommate. It was raining the whole way up there so at first we were thinking it was going to be a shitty, wet day. It was totally frozen over, hard pack but it was snowing so there was a little dust on crust, but since it was 34 degrees out as soon as the snow hit you it melted. So, we boarded for a bit and it started to get warm and the snow was really fast, but then things started melting even more. The icicles hanging on the lifts were dripping on us and our snow gear was starting to get soaked through so we got about 5 runs in and headed home.

We put a Papa Murphy’s Gourmet Chicken Garlic pizza in the oven and started watching a movie. I only got about 45 minutes into it before I passed out. Woke up a few hours later and went back to bed, but this time in my bed, not on the couch. I woke up around 630ish and started getting ready to pack up Stinky and head to TB’s. I get to TB’s and decide I’m not happy with what I’m wearing so I ravage her closet and end up wearing her jeans and a cute top. We started at Bar Eighty Four, went to Al Amir, then back to Bar Eighty Four and then to Dixie and McFadden’s. It was quite the bar hopping night for us. The funny thing about all of this is that we were getting our hair done on Sunday morning and had planned to just chill at her house and take it easy Saturday night. Funny how things work out. We had QUITE the night on Saturday night. Tons of drama (wasn't mine, I just got to witness it) that not only do I not want to remember, but it’s honestly not even work talking about. Ugh, I was SO hung yesterday. Icky.

So, we get up on Sunday and I go pick up my hairstylist and we go back to TB’s so she can color my hair and cut TB’s. We had some fun, chilled out, ate some food and then I took my hairstylist back to her house and headed home myself. I get home around 5 PM and basically go straight to bed. I heard Roommate come home from the movie around 7, but was right back out. Then I woke up and totally thought it was the wee hours of the morning and it was only 11 PM! A ha ha, so I went back to sleep. I ended up getting about 12 hours of MUCH NEEDED SLEEP last night. Wicked!

So, today is Monday…again. I won Blazer tickets at the Office for Roommate so I get to chill at home and do laundry tonight. I’m actually kind of exited because I was just go, go, go all weekend long. It will be nice to chill out and do a little domestic ish like laundry. This week shouldn’t be NEARLY as busy for me, thank God, cause I was SO exhausted from last week. Damn.

I have lots to do at work today also, which makes me really happy because I’d rather have 5 things going on at once than be slow at the office. It makes the time drag by when there’s not much to do. So, I’m happy today because I have plenty to do at the office and this evening at home and today should FLY by. Yay!

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE!

Insight of the Day:
“The secret to success is not to try to avoid, get rid of, or shrink from your problems. The secret is to GROW YOURSELF so that you're bigger than any problem.”

Can You Say Freshies All Day?!

Mmm, I smell Friday! Yes! I’m still mad crazy busy, but since it’s the weekend and I’ll get to catch up on my sleep I’m happy. Ugh, I am SO tired. It was so hard to drag my sleepy butt out of bed today. Must sleep more.

So, dentist last night was good but bad. I’ve been a bad girl and neglecting my teeth and my gums aren’t happy with me. I have to go in for a few cleanings in a row to get them healthy again. At least I like cleanings, my teeth feel SO GOOD TODAY! However, I also have some cavities that will need to be filled. Bad Shel!

So, boarding tomorrow w/ Roommate. We’re gonna hit TLine for first tracks tomorrow AM. Hit it hard till we can’t board anymore and then come home. We haven’t had a Roommate Only boarding trip since December so it should be fun. I’m excited! Plus, the mountain got 40 inches of new pow this week, plus it’s supposed to snow on Saturday. Yeah, baby! Can you say freshies all day?! This is turning out to not only be wicked spring boarding, but the best snow we’ve had all season. We got a slow start this year.

Ugh, so more work and work for me today. After I get off work at my normal, office job I have to go back to Bar 84 again and finalize the business card designs, stick them on a flash drive and drop them off at the printers. Then, I should be able to start my weekend. I may stay home and crash early. I may go out and have dinner and some beer. Not sure yet, to be honest. It’s too early in the day yet to tell. I usually get my 2nd wind once I leave the office, so hopefully that happens again today.

So, MARCH MADNESS! I’m not a fan of basketball; it’s just not violent enough for me. I LOVE HOCKEY! I digress, I totally copied Roommate’s bracket for the NCAA playoffs and I must say…Damn, that man is good! We’re 14 for 16 games so far. Woo hoo! Let’s hope he keeps this winning streak going. If I take 1st place at the office pool I’ll take home about $200.

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE! I hope your weekends are most excellent.

Insight of the Day:
“Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, and sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes are washed away with tears.”

"Is That Weird, Or Do You Like To Get Your Teeth Cleaned Too?"

Yee haw, it’s Thursday. Yay! Although, I have been busy, busy, busy this week. Yesterday was INSANE, both at work and after work. I can only hope that yesterday’s madness doesn’t spill into today, but unfortunately I already know what’s in store for me today. I’ll start with yesterday and go from there.

Yesterday at work was crazy. I had a bunch of stuff going on in the morning and then I was waiting on requested information from some co-workers to complete a few tasks. Its funny how it ALL comes to me at once and it’s all “must drop everything and do MY project first.” Shyeah, right. So, from about noon till 2 PM yesterday I was running around the office rampant. Literally. I ran to the lunchroom to have Bossman sign a contract that had to be returned ASAP, and then ran back to my office. All the while Receptionist and another co-worker are like, “Stop, you’re making me dizzy!” Ugh, I didn't even get to take a lunch till after 2 PM. So, I make it through the day and go home and Roommate had school last night and tonight so I tried to get some quality time in with the DB’s before I had to leave to go to Bar84 and do some graphic design. I was home for about an hour, then back out the door. I worked on some business cards in PhotoShop till about 830 and then I had to give up and go home. I hadn’t worked in PhotoShop in a few months so I was a little rusty. Now that I got a refresher course I should be able to finish them tonight without any further complications. Plus, it’s kind of a work in progress thing, you design as you go and change things around quite a bit to figure out what works best. I am REALLY anal about my graphic design. Everything has to be balanced and aesthetically pleasing so I spent quite a bit of time trying to turn a picture I took into an abstract work of art. I’ll post some jpeg images of the work I’ve done after I finish the business cards and flyers. COME TO BAR 84, ya’ll! Woo hoo!

So, I’m hoping today at work is a little less crazy than yesterday. Then, at 4 PM I am going to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. I’m SO excited. I guess I’m weird like that. I was telling Roommate this morning on our way out the door, (We have the same work schedule which works really well for us) that I’m excited to get my teeth cleaned today and asked him, “Is that weird or do you like to get your teeth cleaned too?” He said he detests anything to do with the dentist, so I said “Guess it’s just me then!” I’ve never minded the dentist, at all. Even when having to get work like crowns and fillings. So, tell me…do you enjoy going to the dentist, or is it one of those things that you’d actually rather throw yourself into oncoming traffic instead of being in that chair? I’m telling you, Nitrous helps IMMENSELY!

So, after I get my teeth cleaned I have to go back to Bar 84 and finish the business cards and then get to work on designing a print ad and some flyers for general distribution. I’m SO excited. I didn’t get to sleep until midnight last night. I was in bed, I just couldn’t shut off my head. I just kept thinking non stop about things I can design, or how I can give things a fresh new outlook, different layouts, etc. I kept texting my Naughty & Nice to bounce stuff off of her and she was telling me that I was silly and to go to sleep. She knows I get up at 5 AM for work. I wanted to sleep, I just couldn’t stop my thought process cause I’m excited about using my creative side again. Plus, I think this blog has helped to bring that side back out of me. I can’t tell you how much I am enjoying writing again.

Happy Thursday!

Insight of the Day:
“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all of the happiness and growth occur when you’re climbing it.”

Bygones

OK, yesterday sucked. What’s done is done, I’m done beating myself up about it. There is nothing further I can do to make the situation any better, so I’m putting it in a bubble and blowing it away because I don’t know what else to do about it. I have talked with my closest friends about it and they all seem to think the same thing. Leave it alone, let it go, what’s done is done. Roommate seems to think that I shouldn’t even contact this person to apologize. He said if it were him he would want nothing to do with me anymore, and since he’s a guy I trust his advice. So, with that said, I am going to try to live and learn. Bygones.

It did help me yesterday that I was gone on Monday because other than writing my blog post, I really tried to bury myself in my work and stay busy. I had so much to do yesterday; playing catch up since I was gone that it was kind of nice. My day flew by, other than the few times I stopped to stress about things I can’t change. “Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.”

With that said, I have to say that I feel blessed. Yes, I have my fair share of problems as does everyone, but I still can’t help but feel fortunate that I am able to live the life that I do. Not only that, but I live in a BEAUTIFUL state, and here is a majestic picture of Mt. Hood that I took Friday night to prove it.

So, last night was fairly uneventful also. After work I went home and chilled w/ the Dogberticus Maximuses. I know, I’m strange…we have all sorts of names for our dogs. Dogbert’s, Beasts, Heathens, Dogberticus Maximus (my favorite!) and of course Roommate and I call each other Roommate-bert. Sometimes I abbreviate it with a DB for Dogberts or RB for Roommate-bert, for future reference. And then of course, our dogs each have their OWN nicknames. I’ve always called Spike Stinky and Baby Bubs. Stinky cause he looks like a skunk w/ his little racing stripe down his head! I should have named him that! I don’t know where Bubs even came from; I just came home one day and saw him and said “Hi Baby Bubs!” He seemed to respond to it, so now it’s a permanent fixture. I can call him Stink, Stinky, Spike or Bubs and he answers to all of them. I love my smart little boy! He’s the number one man in my life. “Perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.” I had a friend email me the “True Test of a Friend” and I use this example ALL OF THE TIME now because it’s SO true! Try putting your best friend and your dog in the trunk of your car and drive around for an hour. Now, when you open the trunk, which one of them is still happy to see you? Hee hee. Now, I love my TB…but I think she would be pretty fucking pissed off at me if I stuck her in a trunk for an hour. LOL.

So, I watched the movie Juno last night. There was nothing on TV and it’s funny because that’s probably not a movie I’d pick to watch on my own, but I totally got sucked into it and then really enjoyed it! The same thing happened with Martian Child, nothing was on TV and I started watching it and got sucked in. That was a good flick also. Juno was kind of strange, it was a drama, I think…but it was funny! Ellen Page was amazing; she’s such a good character actress. I missed the first few minutes of it, but Roommate walked in the door at the end of it last night and asked me if it was good cause he has it in the NetFlix cue, so I’ll get to see the beginning anyway. Yay! Alright, time for WORK. You know? That dirty four letter word? I hope you all have a Happy Wednesday.

Insight of the Day:
“Those who make no mistakes do not usually make anything.”

Joke of the Day:
Q: What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Random Shel Facts:
Q: What time did you wake up today?
A: Alarm went off at 5:15, I snoozed it till 5:30 and then got up to get in the shower.
Q: What do you do when you're sad?
A: Write, cry, talk.
Q: From whom did you get your last email?
A: Roommate.
Q: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?
A: Forgive, but don’t forget. “Grudges are like poison, the only antidote is to let them go.”
Q: Have you ever been hurt by a friend?
A: Of course, “No matter how good a friend is they are going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.”

I’m Sure Those Shots Had NOTHING To Do With It...

Holy Hell Batman, where do I even start?! I suppose I’ll just write in order of the weekend events. OK, so I left work early on Friday in preparation of our boarding trip with the work crew. It was nice to not have to feel rushed after work. We all went up and had a blast. Good times, as always.

We were all going to go back up on Saturday to SkiBowl as they were having the 80th Anniversary Celebration. Normally we get up early and hit the slopes for first tracks, but I boarded 4 times last week so I was looking to sleep in a bit before we went. Well, sleeping in a BIT, turned into getting up about 4 PM, so I obviously passed on going boarding on Saturday and concentrated my efforts on getting ready to go meet up with my Tasty Shortcake!

So, my darling Tasty Shortcake was one of the Original American Cowgirls with me and The Princess back in the day. She is in the Army Reserves and just got back from a 1 year tour of duty in Kosovo. She has been home on leave off and on for the past year, so you can imagine my relief of having her back home safe in the states. Anyway, we went to dinner at Paddy’s to catch up and then we decided to go to Bar 84 which is what used to be American Cowgirls. I had to take her there to catch up with Naughty & Nice and to see it since the name change. We drank, laughed, talked, danced, and had a BLAST! My TB showed up with some friends also so I felt complete! It was nice.

Then, with the help of liquid courage, (I’m sure those shots had NOTHING to do with it!) I did a very bad thing. Something I’m not proud of, nor can I take it back. I assume that I inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings; I haven’t talked to this person, as I just got wind of what happened yesterday. I had a bad case of laryngitis yesterday and stayed home from work because I couldn’t talk. A good friend of mine called to see how I was doing, as I was totally drunk texting him on Saturday night. Well, he informed me that one of those texts I sent was seen by someone who I care about and the subject matter was less than pleasing. I don’t know how to approach him about the subject. I don’t know if I should. All I know is it has left a bad taste in my mouth, I kept stressing about it all last night telling Roommate that I just felt icky. I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings. This wasn’t something I did out of malice; it was something that I did out of stupidity and being drunk. That’s not an excuse and I know that. Unfortunately, I’m human and I make mistakes. All I can do is try to learn from them and move on.

I can’t take back what I did. I can’t undo it, even though I wish I could. It was honestly just bad judgment on my part and I am deeply sorry for my immaturity and actions that may have hurt someone I care about.

Now, I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t know if I can make it better. An apology can’t take away the pain I inflicted, even if it wasn’t intentional. Even though I was drunk and talking out of my ass and probably wouldn’t have gone through with it anyway, that doesn’t excuse the fact that I was being selfish at the moment and NOT thinking about the repercussions of my actions, of hurting someone who has been there for me more so than almost anyone lately. Someone I care deeply about, and would NEVER intentionally do anything to hurt him. Maybe he’ll read this blog and it will help him to understand where I was coming from. If so, I am DEEPLY sorry, from the bottom of my heart and soul. I know that nothing I can do or say can undo the damage I’ve already done, but please do know that I apologize for being so selfish and not even thinking that something I did could affect others. I wish I could go back and NOT send that message…but I can’t. The anxiety this is causing me is horrible, I can’t help but dwell on things that bother me and keep playing them over and over in my head wishing I could make it better. But, I can’t. All I can hope is that this person accepts my apology and we can move on.

Again, I am sorry. I am not proud of my actions, nor was it easy to write about, but I had to. I had to write about it to help myself, and hope that you will read this. I didn’t contact you because I figured I’d let you come to me, who knows if you still even want to talk to me or hang out with me anymore. I can only hope that you do. If not, I wish you the best and hope that all your dreams come true in your lifetime. Should you read this and be able to be a bigger person than I probably am and actually forgive, but not forget…I am here if and when you would like to talk.

Regrets,

Shel

She Was Already Buzzing, So She Didn't Need It Anyway...

Woo hoo! Friday! Yay! Not only and I super tired from a long week, it’s not even over yet! Last weekend I boarded Saturday and Sunday, then Tuesday night, tonight and then again tomorrow. That’s 5 trips in a week! Crazy. I am exhausted. But, I am excited about going tonight w/ the work crew. They’re good people. It should be nice up there today, unseasonably warm actually. Then it’s supposed to DUMP tomorrow. I’m hoping it will still be good boarding weather. We’ll just hope for little to no wind. That’s what sucks the most, when it’s windy up there.

So, since I have NO SOCIAL LIFE during boarding season I decided to go out for a few cocktails with the TB last night. We hit up Bar 84 and I had a few beers and a few shots. Well, I had a few beers and someone ordered the bar a round and I drank my shot and TB’s. She was already buzzing, so she didn’t need it anyway! Come to find out she ended up staying there until about 1 AM with some of the staff and regulars and is now regretting staying out so late. I’m glad I went home when I did. I have HUGE weekend in front of me! I was back home by about 1030, played some Mario Kart on the Wii WiFi Channel then went to bed. Ugh, tired.

So, yesterday I wrote about my TB. Today I am going to write about my Princess! Don’t be fooled by the name. She is my Redneck Woman counterpart! She deer hunts with me, she duck hunts with me, she rides quads, she can shoot a shotgun like a champ, (how do you think I got into that stuff?!) but yet still lets me dress her up and do her hair and makeup like my Barbie doll! I LOVE YOU PRINCESS! I have known my Princess for just as long as I’ve known my TB. Princess is like the little sister I never had. I love her more than words can possibly describe, just like TB. The Princess is married and has a wonderful husband, Kamikaze. I’ve written about them boarding with us. Anyway, the Princess and I have this weird bond. We can go out and go duck hunting in the morning in the pouring down rain, then go spend the afternoon in the salon getting pretty. It’s amazing how we do activities in one day that are on the COMPLETE opposite end of the spectrum. I LOVE IT!

Recently, my Princess found out some very exciting news. She and Kamikaze are going to have a baby! I’m going to be an Aunt! I can’t believe it. No, really, I can’t believe it. Every day I’m like, my baby girl is pregnant?! WTF? Is this possible? Roommate, who has known her just as long as I have randomly, states the same thing to me:

“I can’t believe she’s pregnant.”
Me: “What? Who are you talking about?”
Roommate: “Princess, duh!”

I love my Princess. She is very important to me. There isn’t anything in this world I wouldn’t do for that woman. She is a part of my heart and soul, and another one of those friends of mine that I can always count on. I LOVE YOU PRINCESS! I hope you have a Happy Friday! MUAH!

XOXO
Shel

Holding Down the Couch

Well, not much went on last night. I got home, played with the Dogberts, changed into jammies and held the couch down the rest of the night and cuddled with Stinky! PERFECT scenario for a Wednesday night. I am a T-I-R-E-D girl! Been boarding my non-existent butt off! Plus, I had a bunch of shows on DVR that I wanted to watch.

So, since I don’t really have anything that interesting to talk about today since I didn't do anything interesting last night, I figured I'll give some more insight on who I am. So, obviously I like to write, or I wouldn’t have started blogging again. A lot of people don’t really know this about me. It’s not something that I put out there as public information, usually. My poetry is something that is VERY important to me. It comes from the depths of my soul, and I don’t share my poetry with everyone. Usually because I write about things that tend to be kind of heavy, as writing is a release for me. A lot of it is very personal but I will post some of my favorite poems. Today I am going to introduce my best friend in the whole world. She will be referred to as My TB or just TB. Here is our favorite picture of the two of us together, but don’t worry there will be plenty of pics of us together in the future. TB and I have been best friends for 17 years, since 1992! It is very hard for me to describe, in words, how much she means to me yet I tried to do it one day…this was the outcome:

What’s Really Important

These last few years have been exponential for me as far as emotional and spiritual growth. So much so, that I want to share some things that have been on my mind lately. Things that five years ago never even really even crossed my mind because I was too busy to slow down and realize that every day that I wake up is another gift at this awful, beautiful life.

Over the past few years I have realized that people and the relationships you maintain with them are the most important part of life. If you take away the people you love all that is left are material things. Things that don’t fulfill me in any way emotionally as they are things that can always be replaced. My friends and family however, can never be replaced. These relationships, I have come to learn, are worth every second of time and effort that I put into them. Not only that, but I am rewarded many times over for the time I do spend working on them.

It’s the simple things in life that never cease to amaze me, those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. The moments that I look back on and all I feel is warmth, love and happiness. There is one person that has been a very big part of me for a very long time. Someone I trust my life with. I share everything with her, without any fear or doubt that she may judge or criticize because she doesn’t agree with me. Someone who loves me unconditionally no matter how stubborn I might be and she isn’t afraid to tell me so. Someone who walks the path of life with me and holds my hand rather than running ahead and leaving me behind. Someone who always has her umbrella ready just in case a storm arrives on my horizon. Someone who builds me up not breaks me down. I was with this friend last night, who means more to me than I can even express with words. We are both struggling with emotional conflict right now and are there for each other, no matter what that means.

This woman fulfills me in ways I never could have imagined. She is my angel, my sister, my soul mate. She is my hopes as well as my dreams. She is everything that I am not, nor could I ever be. Where she ends, I begin. We are complete opposites, yet one in the same. We are one soul dwelling in two bodies. What she is afraid to say out loud, I scream from the rooftops. What I fear, she faces. When she falls, I pick her up. What I feel, she senses. Yet when we laugh or cry, we do it as one.

Last night we spent some much needed time together. Her just being there soothed a part of me that has been crying silently for help. A part of me that I try my hardest to hide from the outside world. The part that just HURTS and there isn’t anything you can do about it except hope and pray that time will heal your wounds. Which I have learned, time cannot do. “Love, not time heals all wounds.” Just because I have a smile on the outside, doesn’t mean my heart isn’t carrying a frown. I didn’t even have to say anything to her; she can look at me and know what is troubling me, she sees right into me, she always has. Which brings me to one of my favorite sayings: “Everyone HEARS what you say. Friends LISTEN to what you say. Best friends listen to what you DON’T say.” We have that bond, an unspoken language, if you will. There are times that we don’t even need to speak. Just being there and knowing that no matter what happens on this earth, we will still have each other. That’s enough for us. Sometimes the best kind of friend is one who you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word and then walk away feeling as if it was the best conversation you’ve ever had. She and I have that connection with each other, which is something that never ceases to amaze me. She is one of the few people on this earth that I know I can count on, unconditionally to be there for me when I need her and it is reciprocated from me to her.

TB, I love you more than I can describe with words. You aren’t just my friend, you are my sister, my love, my life, my world, my air…and you always will be.

I wrote that in November of 2008 when we were both going through a rough time in our lives. I have since been feeling much better; writing is something that has helped me immensely in speeding up the healing process and I hope it continues to do so.

Smooches,
Shotty

Maybe I Should Do the Snow Dance...

Let me first start by saying that I temporarily changed the name of my blog. Normally I write under Shotgun Shel…Confessions of a Country Girl. However, right now I’m not really doing much shooting because of boarding so I have changed the name of my blog to Shreddin’ Shel…Blurbs from a Boarder. I’ll change it back once boarding season is over and I go back to my redneck ways for the summer!

So, boarding last night…There is still great pow up there! It was snowing lightly and since there have been so many people ripping it up in the pow it’s starting to become hard pack again, but…still GREAT spring snow, nonetheless. I can only hope for more. Looks like I may be getting my wish for Saturday.

Last night we had a crew of 5. Me, Cherry, Pinki, Creeper and V. I posted a picture for your viewing pleasure. If you look in the picture, we are in what is called the Warming Hut at Ski Bowl. It’s about halfway up the mountain in this little log cabin w/ an awesome stone fireplace. If you look behind me, you can see how much snow is behind the window. It’s almost completely covered. SkiBowl just hit their 100 inch mark this last week. Yay! Last night was good times, we hit it for a few hours and then headed home. This girl gets up at 5 AM, so I tend to want to be in bed by a decent hour on week nights.

Ugh, my head hurts today. I don’t know why. I don’t get headaches very often so when I do it SUCKS. I need to try and chill out tonight since I have a big weekend in front of me. Boarding Friday night AND Saturday. I hope the weather cooperates for us. Maybe I should do the snow dance…

So, I figure I’ll start writing something about myself at the bottom of each post. Today, I will introduce ya’ll to my general life. I am 28 years old (until June) and live in Portland, OR with Roommate. Roommate and I have known each other since high school and he is one of my best friends. He has a dog named Emma, and I have a dog named Spike. But I usually refer to him as Stinky or Bubs. Here are the Dogbert’s as we are so fond of calling them at our house.

Happy Wednesday!

XOXO
Shel

Crashing and Burning

Well, I figure I’ll start out this blog by talking about what has been taking up the most of my time right now…Boarding!

Boarding season is upon us and I have been up ALMOST every weekend since we got snow on Mt. Hood. First trip of the season was on December 13th. Then we missed one weekend because Highway 26 was shut down due to mud slides, and then drove up in vain once because the power was out when we got there. LAME. We drove up and then right back down.

About a month ago I had a BAD crash. The short version is I caught my back edge on some ice and slammed to the ground on my tail bone. The events of the crash are actually fairly fuzzy for me because I was knocked out for a minute. Here is what happened based on what my friends told me:

Creeper, Roommate, The Princess and Kamikaze are behind me and I’m taking video over my right shoulder of them riding behind me. (I have a short 3 second video of the crash, but the camera cuts out when I hit the ground) I caught my back edge (heel side) which basically just kicked my feet out from under me and I kind of folded into a sitting position, and SLAMMED into the ground on my tail bone. According to them, I then hit my head and slid about 100 yards down the mountain on my back. When I came to, Kamikaze was trying to take my camera out of my hand, and I didn't even recognize him at first, I was all disoriented. I was facing the total opposite direction that I was heading. I had to lay there for quite some time before I could even talk. Then I was finally able to flip over and try and get up. All in all, it probably took me almost 20 to 30 minutes to be able to get up and board back down the mountain to head home.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention, {and was KINDLY reminded in the comments by The Princess herself :)} that when I was laying there on the ground and couldn't move The Princess offered to give me mouth to mouth resuscitation if I needed it...but I am pleased to announce, that I didn't. The funniest part of all of this is that The Princesses Husband, Kamikaze inadvertently took some video footage of me trying to get up and you can hear hear ask me if I need mouth to mouth. LOL. I LOVE YOU PRINCESS!!!

I was in SO.MUCH.PAIN. Walking back to the truck was the hardest part; I was in tears the whole way. That night was HELL. The whole way back in the truck, I was nauseous from the pain; I almost had to have Roommate pull over so I could puke. Then when we got home, he had to take my snow clothes off for me and I laid on the couch trying not to cry and pass out from the pain. I almost had him take me to the emergency room. But, then I napped and when I woke up it felt better so...I limped around for a few days while it was still sore.

So, that is my account from my crash. I went back up to the mountain the following weekend, (boarding is like riding quads or horses…if you crash or fall off you hafta get right back on!) and certain things were really painful and/or hard. The act of boarding in and of itself is really the easiest part because I’m not really moving my legs since they’re strapped to my board. Every time I tried to get my left foot in my binding or stop and land on my butt my tail bone SCREAMED at me to stop, so I took it easy for a few weeks.

Tail bone injuries SUCK. They are like a broken rib, there isn’t much you can do for them except take it easy and coddle them until its better. Speaking of broken ribs…that’s the 2nd part of my story.

So, come to find out that when I fell and hurt myself I fractured my rib, but not all of the way. It popped out 2 weeks after my tail bone injury and the pressure from it sitting where it shouldn’t have, broke it all the way. So, my tail bone healed and then I had a broken rib to deal with. My rib is MUCH better now, but for the first 2 weeks I was in MASSIVE pain. Now it only hurts when I sneeze or move in a weird way. It’s still tender to the touch, but I don’t really notice it anymore.

So…after I heal from the two things above, we get a MASSIVE storm in w/ TONS of new pow and I decide it’s about time I start jumping. So, I start hitting little kickers and crash landing into the pow. I’m not good at timing or landing yet, but at least I’m trying. So, I do that for most of the day and finally start landing some. Well, I’m starting to feel cocky so I follow Creeper over a kicker in the middle of the run, catch my front edge on the landing and basically chest/face flop onto the hard pack. I totally had the wind knocked out of me. Creeper was saying “Talk to me.” But I couldn’t talk, let alone breathe so I just held up a finger so he knew I was OK, but I couldn’t get it out. So, I sit there for a few and catch my breath and then I’m ready to go again! We get down to the bottom of Jeff Flood and the snow has melted off my goggles. It looks like there’s a hair stuck to the front of my goggles so I ask Roommate to pull it off. His answer was “Uh, that’s not a hair. You cracked your goggles!” A ha ha, SO FUCKING AWESOME! I face planted and cracked my goggles. I went and got a new pair, but I LOVE that story!

Boarding tonight w/ Creeper & Pinki if all still goes according to plan. Then, again Friday night w/ my work crew and again on Saturday w/ the usual suspects. I’m trying to get as much boarding in as I possibly can while we actually have good snow to ride. Woo hoo!

Ugh, Tuesday.

Smooches,
Shotgun