...I'm Beginning to See a Pattern...

Sandlake - Circa 2005

Happy Hump Day!  I wish it was that day in the literal sense instead of figuratively speaking!  Ha, wishful thinking on my part.  Ah, my mind is always in the gutter.  Not that I mind…it’s just part of my Dirty Girl mentality.  Hee hee.  So...Monday sucked, Tuesday sucked and so far today, Wednesday has had minimal suckage, so I can’t complain…yet.  It’s still morning so I’m sure by the time I actually post this blog tonight I will have some serious suckage to write about...at least on the training front.  I hope not, but ya never know around here.  I should just give her the nickname Worthless.  Ah, speaking of…here comes the suckage in the form of an email from Worthless…and so the Shit Show starts!  RARGH!

I may as well illustrate the dumbassery that I have to deal with around here so here is the email chain:

Me:  I noticed when entering into Fieldglass that we missed his partial day per diem on Thursday on the Excel timesheet.  That cell was not in the formula.  I fixed it on the timecard and reflected it in Fieldglass, but we will owe him $38.25 on his next paycheck.  I will put a reminder in Outlook for Monday and then if you have time, I’d like to know how to make the correction on our end in Spectrum so that he is paid for the difference on his next paycheck.  Is there anything else I need to do regarding this oversight?

Worthless Response:  When I was doing corrections yesterday morning, I asked you to take note of what I was doing.  I was training you in this, as well. Do you recall?  Did you make notes?

Deschutes River from Sunriver - Circa 2004

My Response:  No, because you didn’t explain it as you went.  In fact, you said to me that you were just going to do it, and not explain it, but that I should watch.  How can I be expected to pick up on what you are doing without an explanation?  How am I supposed to take notes on something when I’m not given any direction?  Just because you see someone do something does not mean that you are efficient in the exercise.  It takes direction, patience and practice.

That is the reason I am asking you to show me how to do it (instead of doing it quickly in front of me and expecting me to figure it out on my own) on Monday so that I can take proper notes and make directions for myself.

Now, I completely know that I was *slightly* abrasive, defensive and combative, but I have had it with her!  She does not know how to interact with people in any way that is conducive.  RARGH!  I did however apologize in my next email and I was actually pleasant…all the while blind carbon copying my boss so she can see what I am dealing with.  Most people around here agree with me, so that helps immensely.  I’m beginning to see a pattern in my last few blog posts that I DO.NOT.LIKE.  That which is bitching about work.  It’s funny because I LOVE my job and the company.  This part of dealing with her is just a small part of my training in a much bigger scope of things.  It will eventually pass, but I am going to continue to bitch about it until it goes away.  Deep breath…

Sunrise from Sauvie Island - Circa 2003

UPDATE:  After sending that email training was MUCH better this afternoon.  She actually slowed down and explained her procedures as well as the programs she was using.  Perhaps I should be a raging bitch more often?!  Nah…I just think that sometimes blunt, direct and assertive isn’t always a bad thing.  However, I do feel bad about it.  I need to work on being more understanding that not everyone’s brain functions the same way as mine and try to meet her halfway.  However, I also expect the same in return. That will be my focus when training with her for the remainder of the BPA/Fieldglass procedures.  Sigh. One of my co workers told me that after that email I sent her, she probably realizes that she can't push me around and then complimented me by saying that the fact that I figured her out so quickly is just a testament to my intellect and people skills.  Awesome!  She rocks.  I think that we will be getting along very well in the future and I look forward to getting to know her better.  We tend to IM back and forth during the day and our cubes, er...they call them workpods there, share a common wall so I always CRACK up when I hear her laugh at one of my messages and then she still feels the need to type LOL.  Good stuff!

Traffic home last night wasn’t too bad and it wasn’t as hot so that was a plus.  Then, I went home and changed and did some grocery shopping.  I just HAD to pick up a half rack of Pacifico because I was craving beer and since I got all of the stuff to make a batch of my Avocado Salsa, I found it fitting.  BEER.IS.GOOD. Which I suppose I illustrated since I downed 4 of them last night.  Yummy in Shel’s Tummy!  I tried to go to bed early, but it just didn’t happen.  Tonight I want to go straight home, shower and straighten my hair.  I’m tired of this curly hair bullshit.  It drives me nuts when it’s all crazy, unruly and curly.  Icky.

Trees in the West Hills - 2010

Traffic home today was actually REALLY good!  I made it home just after 430.  It is now 509 PM and I am already done showering and having a beer.  Next comes the arduous process that is blow drying and flat ironing after I finish this post.  NO MORE CURLY HAIR, YAY!

Sounds like there's going to be another Girls Night at Duke's on Friday.  Woo Hoo!  Cowboy boots and belt buckles and line dancing!  So much fun.  I can't wait, especially after the cluster fuck that has been my week so far.  I should stay home and chill, but that is not in my nature.  If there is some socializing to be had, I am there.  Plus, I haven't gotten to spend much time with My Butterfly and if we're going to Duke's I'll take Dogface and go stay at the Compound with her.  It's been a while.  I need to remember to pack a bikini in case we go in the hot tub.

Here's to hoping that tomorrow is better than Monday, Tuesday and today.  It can't be any worse, right?!  I know I'm probably wrong, but a girl can dream, can't she?!  Plus, it will be Thursday which means the week is almost over.  Woo hoo!  I really hope I can manage to get some time in with His Hotness, but I really don't foresee that happening.  Sad.  :(  Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised...

Quote of the Day: "You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space." -Johnny Cash

Hauser Crew at Spinreel 2011

Random Life Lesson #32: When you go out with the girls to a bar that you used to work at, it is pretty much guaranteed that the bartenders are going to pour you insanely stiff drinks and charge you next to nothing for them. Keep this in mind when trying to elude MASSIVE hangovers the next day. Note to self: Read this life lesson again on Friday night before you go to Duke’s with the girls because you know one of the bartenders there and she has a tendency to do the EXACT.SAME.THING!

WTF?! You're Just Gonna Leave Me Out Here?

Me and My Butterfly

Ah, Monday sucked. It was sunny and beautiful…close to 80 degrees but I was in my own little world of despair...enough about that for now. Today was beautiful also.  Sunny and 70 degrees and it was a LITTLE better than yesterday...but still sucked COMPLETE ass!

This weekend was nothing short of amazing. Had an absolute BLAST Friday night out with the girls at Dixie…and I had a raging hangover to prove it on Saturday. Then I drove out to Rainier to highlight the Princess’ hair and spend some time with them. It would have been much more enjoyable if I was able to function better than I did, but I still can’t complain. Saturday night I went to bed early to let my body recover from the debauchery the night before. I woke up Sunday morning feeling great, rested and refreshed and proceeded to help the Italian Stallion clear some felled trees from the back yard. There’s something about manual labor that I love immensely. I worked my ass off and it was pretty warm out so I have some tan lines and that’s good...even if they are wife beater tan lines! I also prepped Dogface’s doghouse so he can be outside during the day in this nice weather. Miss Kitty and the Italian Stallion have a doghouse that is built into the house and has a dog run on the side. The previous owner’s left it in somewhat of a shambles so I completely cleaned it out and then put his dog bed and blankets in there so he had some familiar things and smells. I hope he enjoys being outside in this nice weather. I know he will be fine, but I have been somewhat of a wreck leaving him outside. Leaving him out there really saddened me on Monday and again today. Especially when he started scratching at the gate like, “WTF? You’re just gonna leave me out here?!” I’d say my poor baby, but I think I am the one stressing about it. He’ll probably dig being outside all day in this weather and since the dog house is built in under the house it stays cool, so it’s not like he’ll be out in the hot sun all day or anything. Either way, Mama is sad and stressing about it. Ugh...today was worse because he cried after I walked away.  Talk about tugging at the heart strings.  :(

Monday night I got to spend some much needed time with His Hotness. He still absolutely makes me smile. Just the sound of his voice puts a smile on my face. He called me on my way to work yesterday morning and had some really sweet things to say. Normally this would put me in Perma Grin Mode, but since I am stressing about Dog, among other things, it didn't have the same impact on me as it usually does. Lame. :(

Ned and Fred, the goldfish we raced!

Ugh, my heart was heavy yesterday. I have a lot on my mind and as per usual I will be over thinking and dwelling on it for the next few days. I don’t really want to discuss it too much, but I do want to document it. Partly because this blog exists for me as a record of the things that are transpiring in my life and how I deal with them, but mostly I want to mention it as a reminder. I’m going to type one word lest I read this post later and wonder what the fuck I was talking about. Just remember that some things can be COMPLICATED. As much as I don’t want them to be, they just are sometimes.  Unfortunately I think that’s a big part of life. Things don’t always flow seamlessly as much as I want them to. There will be bumps and potholes on the road of life and I try to take them in stride, but I am only human and sometimes my feelings get hurt like they did Sunday night. Why is it that when someone hurts you inadvertently it hurts more than when angry words are spoken in the heat of the moment? That’s something I’ve never quite been able to grasp, no matter how hard I try. I know it will be OK, I know I will get over it and move on but it gave me a lot of food for thought. It makes me wonder if I should remove myself from the situation or if I should keep fighting for something that I want. As usual, my stubborn head tells me to keep fighting for what I want; to keep on keeping on. But my heart tells me that I should walk away. I hate heart/mind conflicts. They are the most draining. For me, my heart almost always wins, it always has. This one is a little bit more difficult though. My head just might win the battle this time around. I guess only time will tell.  I feel much better about it than I did yesterday.  It's one of those things that I am choosing to get over and just let go.  This is a battle that I'm choosing not to fight.  What's done is done.  I processed it and I am moving on.

My girls!

Today and yesterday were two of the most challenging days at work I’ve had to date. For the most part my boss has been training me and she works with my preferred method. She explains the procedure, walks me through it once and then lets me do the exercise to practice. This works very well for me as I’m a visual person and always have been. The past few days I’ve been getting training from the person whose position I filled. She has a COMPLETELY different (scatter brained) method and to be honest, I feel like I’m being set up for failure. She pretty much told me that she’s not going to explain anything, that she was just going to do it and that I should watch. WTF?! Are you serious? How am I supposed to learn if you won’t even explain it, let alone show me how to do it? Then, I get thrown into it today. When I had questions I was pretty much chastised for not having it done already…yet I’m told that she doesn’t have time for my questions when I call her for a clarification or further direction…I understand that she has a new job, but damn chicky! It’s a lose/lose situation no matter how you look at it. Fail, fail, FUCKING FAIL!  Today wasn't any better.  I actually yelled at her, oops!  She's all over the place.  Her training methods can't even be loosely called training.  Just because it takes you 5 more steps and MUCH more brain power than it does for me to complete a task, doesn't mean I'm doing it wrong...it means I'm more efficient than you, bitch!  Fuck, oh lord.  I've gotta let this one go and move on also otherwise I will just keep raging about it.  Blah.

I was beyond tired yesterday and I am beyond tired today. I just want to cuddle my baby boy (and His Hotness if he was available) and go to sleep.  Ugh, sleeping alone sucks sometimes.  I'd much rather be spooned up to him than Dog...

Quote of the Day: “Sometimes we must be hurt in order to know, we must fail in order to grow and often our vision only clears after our eyes have been washed away by tears.”

Random HARD Life Lesson #45:  When you are talking on IM to a co-worker about another co-worker...make sure you don't have your iPod on blasting because you WILL.NOT hear the one you are bitching about walk up behind you in your work pod and you will then have to minimize your screen as fast as you can before they are able to read it.  Fuck me.

…Change is Constant in my Life…

Wow. Once again, so much time has passed since I last wrote here. Because of that, I went back and read through every post I’ve published on this site to see how much I’ve changed in the past few years. Since I am somewhat catching up, this post will most likely be a lengthy read…just a warning. Although, for those of my friends who read my blog I know that you love reading it so I’m sure it will be highly entertaining. Love you guys!

One thing was adamantly clear…Change is constant in my life. Jobs & homes mostly. The people who were important to me in the past, my support network, are still permanent fixtures in the crazy World of Shel such as TB and The Princess. The Princess is now married with two, yes two, children whom even though I don’t get to see very often since she lives far away…I still adore her and Kamikaze and both of their children. TB is now engaged and living with her fiancé. We live quite a ways apart now, which sucks ass completely but she is still my best friend in the world. We’ve only grown closer as the years have passed.

Some have faded from my life such as Naughty & Nice and Tasty Shortcake. However, I’ve also added a few people who have become exponential in my personal growth. One of them I will be calling My Butterfly. She and I met at the Dunes in May of 2008 and completely clicked right from the beginning. I know I’ve told her this before and it’s hard to explain it in words, but when I sat down next to her that first time…I just felt warmth radiating from her. I love her with all of my heart and I KNOW that she will always be around and that we will ALWAYS be friends. I look forward to continuing to build our friendship and have what can only be described as INSANE FUN, always! ;)

Ah…back to changes as I’ve covered the Support Network. The first thing that really sticks out in my mind about reading past posts is that I am no longer at what I had then described as an amazing job. That certainly changed fairly quickly. It went from being a place I loved working at to a place that sucked the life out of me…literally and figuratively. I am no longer with said company, which I shall now refer to as “The Devil Company.” I know I’ve used that term before for other jobs I hated, but in this case it’s much more fitting. Unfortunately I was laid off; I did not leave by choice. Even though I had been unhappy for some time and was out submitting resumes, interviewing and looking for a new job. However, my position was eliminated before I found a good fit. Also in that same time…actually, within 24 hours of each other the home I was renting sold and I had to move out, which ended up being 21 hours before I was laid off. Talk about a downer! Let’s just say that I didn’t deal with it well at all. My bright and shining life suddenly turned depressing, grey and sullen. I fell into a pit of despair for a few weeks. I just couldn’t shake the negativity and ickiness no matter how hard I tried…

Then, things began to turn back towards the light. I was going on a lot of interviews, I met someone who completely makes me smile and that I really enjoy spending time with. In this blog, I shall call him “His Hotness,” as it’s completely fitting since I look at him and just want to lick him.  However, I probably won’t talk about him much on here as it is very new and I have no idea where it will go between us. Completely living in the moment and taking things day by day. I digress…I also got to move into a home with two people who were always VERY close to my heart, but have absolutely become two of my best friends. I shall dub him “The Italian Stallion” and his wife “Miss Kitty.” A ha ha, those nicknames are SO fitting, you really have no idea. It’s insanely fun living with the two of them and we have a BLAST together. Plus, the Italian Stallion is the friend I’ve referred to in past posts about working in tandem with photography. We work great together. We both have different ideas and aspects on what a good picture is so when we do shoot together we get two completely different, distinct photos that I get to edit. I look forward to taking more photos with him in the future. 

Since it’s what inspired this blog post, I’m going to mention something I posted on Facebook last week. I think it’s only fair that it makes an appearance in this post since it spurred me to keep writing. It’s called “Creating a Clearing” in your life. I recently learned about "Creating a Clearing" in your life. A clearing is a wide open empty space in your life that is ready for something new or amazing to emerge. A clearing can be a cleaned-out closet or a regularly unscheduled Saturday. A clearing can be dissolving an unproductive business partnership or going to bed early two days in a row. It can be as simple as saying yes to a forbidden treat, taking out the trash or as serious as leaving a job or ending a not-so healthy relationship. However you choose to create your clearing, the point is that you let go of something in your life that has no purpose anymore, drains your energy, or draws your attention in a direction that leaves you feeling more burdened than free.

I realized today, that even though I didn’t initiate it nor do I like the way it happened, being laid off from my old job...that it created a clearing in my life. I am SO.MUCH.HAPPIER now and I've been at new Workplace for less than 2 weeks. As much as I loved my job and its duties...the company itself and the employees there, with the exception of a few bright and shining souls, sucked the life RIGHT.THE.FUCK out of me. I hated waking up knowing I had to go there and most days, no matter how much I accomplished, I left feeling like a failure. I am beyond excited about the opportunities I may have with the new company and each day that I wake up during the week I am STOKED to go to work. :) Here's to creating a clearing in life...I wish the same sense of pride, self worth, relief and accomplishment that I have recently re-discovered, to each and every one of you out there who reads this post. Cheers! 

So, here's to the post that got my writing itch going again. I fully intend to keep it up...however, I do know that life happens and I may not have time to post every day as much as I want to.

Random Life Lesson #108:  Don't drink heavily ALL.DAY.LONG on a Sunday before starting a new job.  Your first day will suck absolute ASS!  Even if you were having a blast that day, laughing, disc golfing and rescuing friends.  :)

Quote of the Day: "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.  Dr. Seuss"