08 May 2012

WTF?! You're Just Gonna Leave Me Out Here?

Me and My Butterfly
Ah, Monday sucked. It was sunny and beautiful…close to 80 degrees but I was in my own little world of despair...enough about that for now. Today was beautiful also.  Sunny and 70 degrees and it was a LITTLE better than yesterday...but still sucked COMPLETE ass!

This weekend was nothing short of amazing. Had an absolute BLAST Friday night out with the girls at Dixie…and I had a raging hangover to prove it on Saturday. Then I drove out to Rainier to highlight the Princess’ hair and spend some time with them. It would have been much more enjoyable if I was able to function better than I did, but I still can’t complain. Saturday night I went to bed early to let my body recover from the debauchery the night before. I woke up Sunday morning feeling great, rested and refreshed and proceeded to help the Italian Stallion clear some felled trees from the back yard. There’s something about manual labor that I love immensely. I worked my ass off and it was pretty warm out so I have some tan lines and that’s good...even if they are wife beater tan lines! I also prepped Dogface’s doghouse so he can be outside during the day in this nice weather. Miss Kitty and the Italian Stallion have a doghouse that is built into the house and has a dog run on the side. The previous owner’s left it in somewhat of a shambles so I completely cleaned it out and then put his dog bed and blankets in there so he had some familiar things and smells. I hope he enjoys being outside in this nice weather. I know he will be fine, but I have been somewhat of a wreck leaving him outside. Leaving him out there really saddened me on Monday and again today. Especially when he started scratching at the gate like, “WTF? You’re just gonna leave me out here?!” I’d say my poor baby, but I think I am the one stressing about it. He’ll probably dig being outside all day in this weather and since the dog house is built in under the house it stays cool, so it’s not like he’ll be out in the hot sun all day or anything. Either way, Mama is sad and stressing about it. Ugh...today was worse because he cried after I walked away.  Talk about tugging at the heart strings.  :(

Monday night I got to spend some much needed time with His Hotness. He still absolutely makes me smile. Just the sound of his voice puts a smile on my face. He called me on my way to work yesterday morning and had some really sweet things to say. Normally this would put me in Perma Grin Mode, but since I am stressing about Dog, among other things, it didn't have the same impact on me as it usually does. Lame. :(

Ned and Fred, the goldfish we raced!
Ugh, my heart was heavy yesterday. I have a lot on my mind and as per usual I will be over thinking and dwelling on it for the next few days. I don’t really want to discuss it too much, but I do want to document it. Partly because this blog exists for me as a record of the things that are transpiring in my life and how I deal with them, but mostly I want to mention it as a reminder. I’m going to type one word lest I read this post later and wonder what the fuck I was talking about. Just remember that some things can be COMPLICATED. As much as I don’t want them to be, they just are sometimes.  Unfortunately I think that’s a big part of life. Things don’t always flow seamlessly as much as I want them to. There will be bumps and potholes on the road of life and I try to take them in stride, but I am only human and sometimes my feelings get hurt like they did Sunday night. Why is it that when someone hurts you inadvertently it hurts more than when angry words are spoken in the heat of the moment? That’s something I’ve never quite been able to grasp, no matter how hard I try. I know it will be OK, I know I will get over it and move on but it gave me a lot of food for thought. It makes me wonder if I should remove myself from the situation or if I should keep fighting for something that I want. As usual, my stubborn head tells me to keep fighting for what I want; to keep on keeping on. But my heart tells me that I should walk away. I hate heart/mind conflicts. They are the most draining. For me, my heart almost always wins, it always has. This one is a little bit more difficult though. My head just might win the battle this time around. I guess only time will tell.  I feel much better about it than I did yesterday.  It's one of those things that I am choosing to get over and just let go.  This is a battle that I'm choosing not to fight.  What's done is done.  I processed it and I am moving on.

My girls!
Today and yesterday were two of the most challenging days at work I’ve had to date. For the most part my boss has been training me and she works with my preferred method. She explains the procedure, walks me through it once and then lets me do the exercise to practice. This works very well for me as I’m a visual person and always have been. The past few days I’ve been getting training from the person whose position I filled. She has a COMPLETELY different (scatter brained) method and to be honest, I feel like I’m being set up for failure. She pretty much told me that she’s not going to explain anything, that she was just going to do it and that I should watch. WTF?! Are you serious? How am I supposed to learn if you won’t even explain it, let alone show me how to do it? Then, I get thrown into it today. When I had questions I was pretty much chastised for not having it done already…yet I’m told that she doesn’t have time for my questions when I call her for a clarification or further direction…I understand that she has a new job, but damn chicky! It’s a lose/lose situation no matter how you look at it. Fail, fail, FUCKING FAIL!  Today wasn't any better.  I actually yelled at her, oops!  She's all over the place.  Her training methods can't even be loosely called training.  Just because it takes you 5 more steps and MUCH more brain power than it does for me to complete a task, doesn't mean I'm doing it wrong...it means I'm more efficient than you, bitch!  Fuck, oh lord.  I've gotta let this one go and move on also otherwise I will just keep raging about it.  Blah.

I was beyond tired yesterday and I am beyond tired today. I just want to cuddle my baby boy (and His Hotness if he was available) and go to sleep.  Ugh, sleeping alone sucks sometimes.  I'd much rather be spooned up to him than Dog...

Quote of the Day: “Sometimes we must be hurt in order to know, we must fail in order to grow and often our vision only clears after our eyes have been washed away by tears.”

Random HARD Life Lesson #45:  When you are talking on IM to a co-worker about another co-worker...make sure you don't have your iPod on blasting because you WILL.NOT hear the one you are bitching about walk up behind you in your work pod and you will then have to minimize your screen as fast as you can before they are able to read it.  Fuck me.

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