12 March 2009

Holding Down the Couch

Well, not much went on last night. I got home, played with the Dogberts, changed into jammies and held the couch down the rest of the night and cuddled with Stinky! PERFECT scenario for a Wednesday night. I am a T-I-R-E-D girl! Been boarding my non-existent butt off! Plus, I had a bunch of shows on DVR that I wanted to watch.

So, since I don’t really have anything that interesting to talk about today since I didn't do anything interesting last night, I figured I'll give some more insight on who I am. So, obviously I like to write, or I wouldn’t have started blogging again. A lot of people don’t really know this about me. It’s not something that I put out there as public information, usually. My poetry is something that is VERY important to me. It comes from the depths of my soul, and I don’t share my poetry with everyone. Usually because I write about things that tend to be kind of heavy, as writing is a release for me. A lot of it is very personal but I will post some of my favorite poems. Today I am going to introduce my best friend in the whole world. She will be referred to as My TB or just TB. Here is our favorite picture of the two of us together, but don’t worry there will be plenty of pics of us together in the future. TB and I have been best friends for 17 years, since 1992! It is very hard for me to describe, in words, how much she means to me yet I tried to do it one day…this was the outcome:

What’s Really Important

These last few years have been exponential for me as far as emotional and spiritual growth. So much so, that I want to share some things that have been on my mind lately. Things that five years ago never even really even crossed my mind because I was too busy to slow down and realize that every day that I wake up is another gift at this awful, beautiful life.

Over the past few years I have realized that people and the relationships you maintain with them are the most important part of life. If you take away the people you love all that is left are material things. Things that don’t fulfill me in any way emotionally as they are things that can always be replaced. My friends and family however, can never be replaced. These relationships, I have come to learn, are worth every second of time and effort that I put into them. Not only that, but I am rewarded many times over for the time I do spend working on them.

It’s the simple things in life that never cease to amaze me, those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. The moments that I look back on and all I feel is warmth, love and happiness. There is one person that has been a very big part of me for a very long time. Someone I trust my life with. I share everything with her, without any fear or doubt that she may judge or criticize because she doesn’t agree with me. Someone who loves me unconditionally no matter how stubborn I might be and she isn’t afraid to tell me so. Someone who walks the path of life with me and holds my hand rather than running ahead and leaving me behind. Someone who always has her umbrella ready just in case a storm arrives on my horizon. Someone who builds me up not breaks me down. I was with this friend last night, who means more to me than I can even express with words. We are both struggling with emotional conflict right now and are there for each other, no matter what that means.

This woman fulfills me in ways I never could have imagined. She is my angel, my sister, my soul mate. She is my hopes as well as my dreams. She is everything that I am not, nor could I ever be. Where she ends, I begin. We are complete opposites, yet one in the same. We are one soul dwelling in two bodies. What she is afraid to say out loud, I scream from the rooftops. What I fear, she faces. When she falls, I pick her up. What I feel, she senses. Yet when we laugh or cry, we do it as one.

Last night we spent some much needed time together. Her just being there soothed a part of me that has been crying silently for help. A part of me that I try my hardest to hide from the outside world. The part that just HURTS and there isn’t anything you can do about it except hope and pray that time will heal your wounds. Which I have learned, time cannot do. “Love, not time heals all wounds.” Just because I have a smile on the outside, doesn’t mean my heart isn’t carrying a frown. I didn’t even have to say anything to her; she can look at me and know what is troubling me, she sees right into me, she always has. Which brings me to one of my favorite sayings: “Everyone HEARS what you say. Friends LISTEN to what you say. Best friends listen to what you DON’T say.” We have that bond, an unspoken language, if you will. There are times that we don’t even need to speak. Just being there and knowing that no matter what happens on this earth, we will still have each other. That’s enough for us. Sometimes the best kind of friend is one who you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word and then walk away feeling as if it was the best conversation you’ve ever had. She and I have that connection with each other, which is something that never ceases to amaze me. She is one of the few people on this earth that I know I can count on, unconditionally to be there for me when I need her and it is reciprocated from me to her.

TB, I love you more than I can describe with words. You aren’t just my friend, you are my sister, my love, my life, my world, my air…and you always will be.

I wrote that in November of 2008 when we were both going through a rough time in our lives. I have since been feeling much better; writing is something that has helped me immensely in speeding up the healing process and I hope it continues to do so.


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