25 March 2009

I Am Even More Confused Now If That Is Possible

OMG, OMG, OMG, can I throw up now? Jesus Mars Christ, work is MAD CRAZY today. I’ve been running around the office in circles since I got here but the weird thing is that I’m working on things that I don’t normally deal with, it’s not something that is an everyday function and I can just take care of out of habit. These tasks require more of my time, meticulous attention to detail, and some reading of legal terms in leases and speaking with certain government entities. I’m telling you I just spent about 30 minutes on an issue and instead of having better clarity of the situation; I am even more confused now if that is possible. Ugh. WTF?!

So I want to throw up because I am totally stressing myself out. I feel nauseous. I am a total worry wart, I always have been. I tend to worry about things that I shouldn’t, things that are out of my control, things that no matter what I do, I can’t change the outcome of them no matter how hard I try. I gave this piece of advice to a friend yesterday, yet for the life of me can’t seem to get it to sink into my OWN head. “Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.” Which brings me to another good quote, “It’s easier to be wise for others than for ourselves.” It’s SO true! I mean, fuck…I can’t even listen to my own advice, and I know I should. My problem is that I tend to dwell on the things that bother or upset me. I’m not ready to talk about what is troubling me on this blog yet as it’s too soon to go off on a rant and get my panties in a bundle over something that may not even come to fruition But, since I’m stressing about it I figure it will help me to write about it. Sorry for being so cryptic, but when and if the time comes, you will all be able to read about it. Until then, I need to just LET IT GO. RARGH!

So, I picked up the Bar Eighty Four Business cards at the printer last night on my way home and I am absolutely thrilled with how they turned out. I am going to Bar Eighty Four after work to drop them off and meet a friend for a birthday drink and then I will start designing the flyers. Yay, more designing! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE using my creative side, and the fact that I am able to do this for a one of my best friends just makes it that much more fulfilling.

This week has been hard on me so far, though I’m not quite sure why. I have had to FORCE myself out of bed the past few mornings. My alarm goes off at 5 AM and I am usually out of bed no later than 515 but yesterday and today I got up at 550 and was in a mad rush to get ready and out the door by 630, as usual. It did help that I lay in bed last night and decided what to wear this morning, saves me about 5 minutes of standing in front of my closet, scratching my head going “WTF am I going to wear to work today?” I SO miss the days of being on jobsites and in the equipment yard and being able to wear jeans to work. THOSE were the days. No ironing in the morning or high heels and downtown power walking! Since I have to get all pretty and professional for work, I never seem to want to do it outside of work. I’d rather come home and change into jeans, a tee or tank and cowboy boots or romeo’s. TB has been a good influence on me lately though. She is ALWAYS super cute, feminine and put together so when I’ve been going out with her lately I’ve been putting a little extra effort into what I wear when I’m out with her. Although, she loves me no matter what I wear and tells me I still look cute when we go out and I’m in a hoodie and jeans and she’s all dolled up! I LOVE MY TB! Sometimes, I just DON’T care what I look like. It is my belief that people should love me for who I am, not what I look like or how much I weigh. I am the same person whether I weigh 200 pounds and have black hair or weigh 130 pounds and have blonde hair. That is one of my biggest pet peeves in this world. People are SO concerned about physical appearance when what is really important is inner beauty. I have always believed that inner beauty shines over physical appearance. I don’t judge someone when first meeting based on their physical appearance, I never have and I never will.

Alright, I think I’ve rambled enough for today, I feel better, even though I didn’t really talk about what is bothering me. But since I touched on the subject it did give me the emotional release I was looking for. Yay!

Insight of the Day:
“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.”

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